Nick Hoad

I hate Seven Nation Army.

I don’t know why. There’s nothing, in theory, all that wrong with it. But it’s part of a short list of songs (which also includes Wonderwall and The Monster Mash) that just rub me the wrong way for some reason. I shall endure it as the first track, and then do my best not to let its noxious presence ruin the rest of Elephant.

Oh good. Black Math is somehow even worse. An off-cut of the same awful cloth Seven Nation Army comes from. The playing of the instruments is so sloppy, the guitar tones are so unpleasant, the singing so not-even-really-trying. It puts me in mind of a rubbish school band that would come fourth in the talent show evening and fail to impress the girl the singer was trying to get off with. It’s a close-run thing, but I think it takes the crown from I Want You (She’s So Heavy) as the worst song I’ve yet encountered on the poster.

Thank God for There’s No Home For You Here finally bringing some civility and decorum to the table. There’s still the same harshness present in the opening tracks, but applied more tastefully and artfully, with a lot more lyrical intelligence. In the Cold, Cold Night is a departure from all the tracks that came before it, featuring Meg White on vocals and a distinct lack of drums, save for two lone cymbal hits towards the end. This is no bad thing, as Meg White is significantly better at singing than drumming.

In general, the first two tracks seem to be something of an outlier at the halfway point of Elephant. It seems to have burned all its energy on a shouty opening tantrum, followed by several more sensitive and low-key offerings. In You’ve Got Her In Your Pocket’s case, it seems to be a questionable and somewhat possessive offering, but much more pleasing to the ear.

Ball and Biscuit, however, is a spectacular return to form. The shrill, squealing guitar solos are back, along with the drumming that I genuinely think I could’ve done better myself. It’s such a simple part that’s been executed very very poorly. What I mean by this is that the drums are audibly not on the beat at least half the time and it doesn’t seem to be intentional, just amateurish. Ball and Biscuit is also over seven minutes long, which is *really nice*.

And here’s the interesting one: The Hardest Button To Button. I actually quite like this one. The drumming has finally tightened up and found its rhythm, the lyrics appeal to me for some reason, and there’s no nails-on-blackboard guitar tones to set my teeth on edge.

Little Acorns, with its narration and piano intro, got off to a strong start. Unfortunately, after an all-too-brief minute, all the problems I’ve been having with the album fell back into the scene, crushing the squirrel the narrator was talking about like a cartoon anvil. Tracks 11-13 passed by in a blur of by-now-familiar sloppy playing and unpleasant sounds from which my brain purged itself in record time. I couldn’t tell you much about any of them, and I’m absolutely fine with that.

The final track, Well It’s True That We Love One Another, was a strange finisher, a song that sounded more like it came from a musical about the Old West than anything that came before it. The lyrics were of a really banal bit of relationship drama that seemed very authentic, but not in a good way. It felt like I was stuck listening to other people’s boring problems and I did not care at all. It also ended with 30 seconds of silence, followed by another 30 seconds of very quiet noise in the right channel only. I can’t fathom why.

Elephant is not entirely bereft of redeeming qualities; there are a few tracks in the early-mid section that I did enjoy, and there are some lyrical gems to be found here and there. But these pros pale in comparison to the mountain of cons, chief amongst which is the consistently unpleasant guitar tone. I am glad to see the back of this one.

Favourite Track: The Hardest Button To Button

Next Time: The Cure – Disintegration.